I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
