You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
