The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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