you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
3 2 1 whiskey
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
