All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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