there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
