Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
