He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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