he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
