i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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