Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
