I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
