I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
