I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
