K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
God, I missed his penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
