I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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