Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
