I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
