Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
