i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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