I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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