i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
