I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
