I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
another moral hangover. fuck.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
