he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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