i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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