I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
