I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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