he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
