He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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