y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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