I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
