I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
