A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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