Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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