i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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