can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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