Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
