i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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