tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
