I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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