just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's like a pop up book from hell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
