it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
