That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
