It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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