I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
