Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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