And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
