You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
