I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
