Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
