you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
